You know it�s bad when even I�M sick of my complaining. But what the hey�let�s just continue with that theme for a bit, shall we?

Boy, do I feel like crap. It�s after four in the morning and I just cannot sleep. I went to bed a little early, around ten, thinking I�d get up a early and get some stuff done. But I ate supper late, and ate heavier than I should have� a big plate of spaghetti with shrimp and a glass of red wine. I know better than to eat acidic foods right before bed because usually it gives me nightmares. No nightmares tonight though� that would have required me to actually SLEEP. I know I slept a little bit, but I remember tossing and turning for what seemed like a really long time, then when I finally got up to pee and looked at the clock, it was only 12:30. I swear I�ve been awake ever since. It didn�t help any that the Prince was snoring like a weed whacker.

And my back has been killing me lately. I�ve had problems with my back hurting me in bed for years, and it has persisted through several changes of bed. The only thing that seems to help is losing weight. (Guess whose diet is not going so well?) So from 12:30 to 4 I laid there in the bed, turning this way and that� too hot, throw the covers off� now too cold, pull the covers back on� back hurts, can�t get comfy� poke the human 2-stroke engine lying beside me, hoping he�ll roll over and shut up� so of course he rolls towards me and snores LOUDER. My nose is stuffy, I have to pee� finally get up to go potty and of course sitting there trying to blow all the crud out of my nose woke me completely up. I finally headed for the living room to try to sleep in the recliner, and all I could do was lie there and think about my stupid fucking job.

Or, I could get up, make coffee, start a load of dishes and come here and gripe some more about the job. Guess what I chose?

My sincerest apologies to anyone who came here in the past few days looking for something even vaguely entertaining to read. I know my lengthy jobs rants are boring and confusing as hell since I can�t fully describe what I do, which makes it difficult to explain just how my boss�s control freaking really affects me.

It all boils down to the fact that all her ideas wind up taking control of the process out of my hands and putting it in the hands of multiple others� thus increasing exponentially the chances of something going wrong and creating a mess for me to deal with. Her initial thought to anything I do that involves other people is �Let�s set a time for them to call you.� At one point, she was stubbornly committed to the idea of having twenty fucking people all trying to call me at nine in the morning. I was only able to talk her out of that one by finding such a huge flaw in the idea that even SHE couldn�t ignore it. And now she wants me to sit and wait during the last hour of my day for three very busy people to call me.

Prior to this, I liked my normal job just fine for the most part. I�d come in, spend half an hour taking enrollment information off my voicemail. Spend another hour or so looking up addresses on Mapquest and taking more enrollment calls over the phone. The next hour or so I�d spend catching up on paperwork, then I�d call the enrollments in to the people I have to call them to, then I�d call clients. A nice, even flow to the workday and if something didn�t go as planned, I knew exactly how and where to make adjustments to the work flow. Her way is basically going to have stuff flying at me willy-nilly from all directions.

It�s hard to describe how stressed out this is all making me. I understand her objectives and I�d be fine if she�d just tell me how she wants the process to work and then go away and let me figure out how I can best accomplish it. Her way makes it difficult for me to keep track of where each enrollment form is in the process; and it makes it so that I can�t manage my work day effectively. Having to depend on other people to do things in a timely manner puts me at the mercy of their reliability and efficiency, as well as at the mercy of the universe in general� are the zone managers going to make calling me at noon every day their top priority when they�ve got more pressing problems out in the field? I don�t think so� and believe me, they�ve ALWAYS got problems out in the field. So what am I gonna do, sit there and wait? Um, no, I�m NOT going to sit there and wait. Now, if I could just print the motherfuckers out and put them on their desks� everything would be taken care of and I could leave, and the zone managers could take care of their end when they�re done stomping out all the fires out in the field. Where is the fucking downside here? Oh� the boss didn�t think of it. That�s why it�s a bad idea.

I hate this fucking condescending petty control-freak and her stupid big picture thinking. To her, big picture thinking is like looking at a pointillist painting� if you stand far enough away, you can�t see all the little dots that make up the picture. So who cares if the little dots are screaming and tearing their pink and purple and green hair out in frustration? Not her� after all, look how pretty the picture looks from way up there! Well, this little dot is about to walk right the hell out of the picture.

I�m really, seriously considering putting in my notice. I hate this stupid job more every single day, and I can�t seem to conceal my frustration and irritation with my boss even when I try. I�m the kind of person that just can�t hide it when I�m angry. Even when I try to suck things up and just calmly say �yeah, ok, whatever you say boss�� my face, voice and manner gives me away. Of course the boss picks up on the fact that I�m upset, and thinks that it means I just need to be lectured some more on �the big picture�� which means she continues to be in my face and continues to upset me with her condescension and complete misunderstanding of my motives. And of course she files the incident away in her brain thusly��So-Charming doesn�t like her cheese moved. So-Charming is one of those stubborn, rigid, opinionated little rank and filers who wants to scribble all over the big picture with her fat little kindergarten crayons, and we big people have to make sure that doesn�t happen because we know what�s best for everyone!�

I can�t seem to make her understand that ultimately I don�t give a rat�s ass about her precious big picture. I�m not criticizing her goals and objectives. Yes, I�d like to see our little non-profit organization be able to do effectively the good it has set out to do, but ultimately it�s not my decision how things run, it�s not my responsibility�it�s Not My Problem. All I care about is that I be allowed to do the job I�ve been asked to do in a way I can handle. And unless a workable procedure comes together right quick, I can�t handle working the way she envisions.

So back to the idea of quitting� I�ve sat down and looked at the budget, and we SHOULD be able to live on what the Prince makes, and save a little money to boot. Other than paying for school, I feel like most of my check gets wasted anyway� we eat out a LOT more when I�m working because I just don�t feel like cooking. Plus I�ve been spending massive amounts of money at the grocery store in the past few months, often for junky stuff, convenience food or good stuff that ultimately goes to waste because when it�s time to cook, all I want to do is go out while my expensive produce sits at home in the crisper and rots. A lack of organization has been a big problem� I haven�t had a grocery plan so I just go to the store and buy whatever I fancy, spending a couple of hundred dollars in the process. And because I didn�t make a plan, inevitably I find during the week that while I have three jars of pickles and 13 bottles of salad dressing and six bags of salad and thirty yogurts taking up all the space in the fridge, I don�t have anything I need to make an actual meal. So I go back to the store and haul home $50 worth of frozen pizza and ice cream and fish sticks and frozen fries and probably a lipstick and some hair color and a fashion magazine as well. Which really adds up if you do it a couple of times a week!

I think that by keeping the kitchen clean and keeping the fridge and cupboards organized so I can see what I have so I don�t buy 10 yogurts every week while the 30 I�ve already got are sitting in the vegetable drawer going out of date; and by sticking to the menu plan and grocery list I�ve finally gotten typed up, I think I can keep that expense down and still be able to pay our bills, have a reasonable entertainment budget, and be able to put some money away for savings and for irregular expenses like clothing and travel. There are a few other things I waste too much money on, but the grocery store I think has been the biggest, the most consistent, and the most damaging to the budget.

Trying to get a different job will only create other problems. What are the odds of my finding another part-time job this close to home that would offer me a regular weekday work schedule? I�d either have a lengthy commute, be required to work more hours than I want or I�d have to be available to work evenings and/or weekends. None of which I can do and still have a reasonable shot at keeping the rest of my life manageable. And it's not like I could suck it up and keep this "perfect" part-time job, either... my boss continues to make it very clear that I'm going to be out of a job soon if I'm not willing to go full time. So quitting now is not going to be doing us out of some great long-term financial boost... I'd just be giving up a few weeks of a fairly meager part-time paycheck.

The one thing my not working hinges on is being able to get student loans. It would be difficult for us to pay for even one class per quarter out of pocket without me working. But I don�t see why I wouldn�t get them� I had fucked up credit when I got my loans before. And my current loan has been in general forebearance for several months now because I was unemployed for so much of last year; and I just received a notice from them that it�s been switched to the forebearance you get for being in school half time. So I�m in good standing with them.

I just wish I knew for SURE if I was getting the loans in time for summer quarter! I�d like to put in my notice now and get the hell on out of there before my �totally unreasonable� pissy attitude winds up with my boss giving a negative report to my temp agency. I�ve been with them for two years now, and I really need them to be a good job reference for the future.

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Hey, you� yeah YOU, fast asleep with your forehead making a big old greasy stain all over your computer monitor screen. Wake up!! I�m done rambling now� you are free to go.

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Previous - Next
Last Five
Crappy job crap, weird neighbor, and someone whose baby I apparently want to have - 2006-05-08
Live from the dump - 2006-04-09
Kind of like a muzzle for your brain - 2006-03-29
...and then she fell ass-first into my cereal bowl - 2006-03-28
Playing catch-up - 2006-03-27

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