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Cats blow... chunks, that is.

2003-06-13 - 7:53 a.m.

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Is there some REASON cats can only puke on a carpeted or upholstered surface, or do they do it purely to piss me off?

Luna-tic is finally out of heat, so naturally she had to find some other way to aggravate me. She seems to have settled on barfing. You�ve got your basic, �hey, let�s waste an entire belly full of perfectly good catfood� hork, which pisses me off to no end because she doesn�t seem sick... I think she just eats too much, too fast and then finds she doesn�t enjoy feeling quite so full. Bulimic bitch.

There is of course the ever-popular hairball hork which involves days of hacking, choking and coughing to produce its slimy gray fruit, along with just enough green bile to make the experience of stepping on the hairball a memorable one.

But her best trick is one she thankfully doesn�t perform too often... the Flying Vomit. While she has no problem calmly upchucking a perfectly good stomach-load of food onto $100 worth of my textbooks, apparently an actual sick-tummy vomit really freaks her out. I�ll hear a loud retch and then look up to see her running through the living room in alarm with liquid vomit spewing hither and yon. She�ll stop a moment, lick her paw frantically, and then take off running again as the next wave of retching hits. Yeah, that�s MY special favorite.

Why, oh WHY can�t they just barf on the uncarpeted kitchen floor? I heard the delicate sounds of a cat�s pre-vomit heaving behind me in the living room this morning and looked over to see Luna searching for a place to ralph... not content to just hurl onto the carpet, she immediately hung her face over a book of mine and opened her mouth to do the deed. I quickly picked her little fuzzy ass up and deposited her on the kitchen floor while I glared at her for many minutes while waiting for her to do her thang; and she... she coughed and hacked and gagged and in between she looked up at me in utter hurt and confusion as to why I was being such a meanie and keeping her poor, feeling-poorly self out there on the cold tile floor instead of letting her back into the living room where she could hork up her guts in luxurious comfort. I was unmoved. And apparently so was she, as she gradually quit the gagging and I finally let her go free.

She slunk off and I haven�t heard a peep out of her since. I know she�s just saving it up until I go to work.

This is the cat we call BadCat, and for good reason. She is the most willful, disobedient animal I have ever owned. The more she knows you don�t want her to do something, the more determined she is to do it. It�s a damn good thing she�s cute. She�s also good for a laugh... besides the squirtgun which she utterly LOATHES, the thing that freaks her out the most is being �plucked.� See, cats have these little invisible hairs that stick out from their coats, and if you go up to them and gently pluck at the �air� right above their fur they�ll start twitching the skin of their backs because it prickles. The other cats don�t mind but Luna hates this. HATES it. If I do it to her she zooms around the room and eventually goes to glare at me from her �safe place,� the top of the bookshelf. The really funny part is, if you look at her and make the plucking motion where she can see you, she�ll start twitching her back and licking herself frantically even though you�re across the room. Funny as fuck.

Oh, shut up. It doesn�t hurt her, and I considered the entertainment value I receive to be some small measure of compensation for all the stuff of mine she�s broken and all the food she�s horked up. So bite me.








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Last Five
Crappy job crap, weird neighbor, and someone whose baby I apparently want to have - 2006-05-08
Live from the dump - 2006-04-09
Kind of like a muzzle for your brain - 2006-03-29
...and then she fell ass-first into my cereal bowl - 2006-03-28
Playing catch-up - 2006-03-27





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