As predicted, I slept like crap last night. Too sleepy to focus on my studying anymore, I dragged myself to bed around 11:30 thinking maybe I�d drop right off... but no such luck. I never felt like I fell deeply asleep, and I was up every stinking hour to pee.

I suspect it�s going to be a long morning. I don�t feel very confident about this test... it amazes me how quickly I forget stuff or become confused about it when just a few weeks ago, I could rattle it off from the top of my head. I KNOW I should have spent more time on this the past week, I just couldn�t seem to get myself motivated. I�m pretty sure I�m going to be paying for it on my final exam, unless I get incredibly lucky in the questions he happens to ask. I usually do pretty good on multiple choice, and on the midterm I did surprisingly well on the short essay section, too. But this time I�m not entirely confident I could string together two coherent, factual sentences on any topic we�ve covered this quarter.

So there�s that, and then after the test I�ve still got to get the stupid final project done. We worked on it last week too, and he seemed surprised to note that a lot of people were close to being finished with it during last class. I got all 22 of my photos scanned in for the project, which involves creating a mock brochure in Quark Express with all the picture boxes already set up so you have to scan in your personal photos at the correct resolution and size for its box; and then correct the tonal range and color before importing the picture from Photoshop to the Quark template. Getting the photos scanned should have been the hard part, and it WAS time consuming. But somehow I couldn�t seem to remember how to correct the tonal range in a color photo last Saturday, so, vowing to study the topic at home, I just gave up for the day and went home at noonish instead of staying late and finishing up. Which means I have to finish up today. I did study the topic and it seems like it should be pretty straightforward... but I can just see myself sitting there til 2:45 sweating droplets of blood over something that should be fairly simple, while the teacher taps his foot impatiently waiting for me to finish up and get the hell out of his classroom already so he can go home.

For someone who supposedly has a high IQ, I sure feel stupid in this class. The entire quarter, at the end of every class after everyone else has left there is me and one other guy struggling to finish up, and the other guy is struggling because he doesn�t speak English very well.

I make dumb mistakes constantly, like Saving when I should Save As, or naming the files all wrong, or shit like that. Which means that if we happen to be doing a project together as a class, I�m always behind everyone else, busily fixing up what I�ve fucked up. There was one class in which I SWEAR I did not hear him say that we were going to work together on the project in question... so I sat there swinging from side to side in my chair, doing nothing but listening to him lecture and trying to keep myself awake, all the while wondering why he was going through the project in such excrutiating detail. Usually he just gives us an overview and then turns us loose with the project sheet. The lightbulb never did go on over my head until the printer started going off and I realized that everyone else had been working along with the instructor. And me sitting there swinging in my chair like an idiot. Between that and getting lost and asking stupid questions all the time, he probably thinks I�m retarded. I certainly FEEL retarded in this class.

I don�t know if it�s ADD or learning disabilities or early Alzheimer�s setting in or what. I�ve always struggled to stay awake and pay attention in class, but this is the first time I�ve ever just felt dumb in a class. I sure hope this isn�t the start of a new trend in my educational career.

Maybe it would help if I actually did the reading assignments. I think I will give that a try next quarter.

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Last Five
Crappy job crap, weird neighbor, and someone whose baby I apparently want to have - 2006-05-08
Live from the dump - 2006-04-09
Kind of like a muzzle for your brain - 2006-03-29
...and then she fell ass-first into my cereal bowl - 2006-03-28
Playing catch-up - 2006-03-27

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