Lifted from the lovely Lady-Malfoy:

What's the weirdest/craziest thing you have ever done in public?

I had sex with Dick in a bar parking lot on the ground between two parked cars at night. We got caught by a couple of girls coming out to their car. Or at least Dick got caught... I heard them coming and hopped off him and dove into the ditch in front of the car. Leaving Dick lying there all alone on his coat, drunk and half-naked with a hard-on. The only thing that saved him from being branded a complete pervert was that the girls could hear me laughing from the other side of the car so at least they knew he wasn�t there all alone with his naked boner.

Do you believe honesty is always the best policy? Why or why not?

I think honesty is probably NOT always the best policy, but I�m a terrible liar so I almost always tell the truth if pressed. Even if it's not a pleasant truth.

When watching movies, do you ever find yourself rooting for the bad guy?

Not usually... unless he or she is presented in a sympathetic light, because I am terribly gullible.

Do you get weird about food? (Like, you have to trim the crust from your bread, or you won't eat tomatoes unless it's on a hamburger.)

No, I�m not really weird about food at all. Unless you count liking weird mixtures of stuff like instant mashed potatoes, salsa and parmesian cheese. Also I hate anything gristly, fatty, stringy or chewy. But what�s weird about that?

Where were you born?

Mansfield, OH

They say the best things in life are free. Do you agree or disagree? And what's the best thing you've ever gotten for nothin'?

Some of the best things in life are free. Some of the other best things in life cost a big old shitload of money. And since they�re not mutually exclusive, I�d like some of both, please.

There's a jukebox in front of you, loaded with every song ever recorded. You've got enough change to play only three songs. Which three do you choose, and why?

�Amie� by Pure Prairie League, because I like it. �Suite Judy Blue Eyes� by Crosby, Stills and Nash, because I like it. �These Apples� by Barenaked Ladies, because I like it.

What position do you sleep in most often? (And lying down is *not* an acceptable answer.)

On my left side.

Has culture has received a greater contribution from the written word or the visual image?

I adore visual images and think they can convey powerful messages. But the written word wins out for the vast amounts of useful knowledge contained therein.

What's the weirdest thing you have ever done with a household appliance or utensil, other than its intended purpose?

I�ve frequently used a curling iron to press out the wadded up hem of a denim shirt.

Books or movies...which one would you give up if you had to make a choice?

Movies. I like them a lot, but books have been my constant obsession since I was a wee slip of a girl.

What is the smallest place you have lived in?

When I was married to the first husband, we lived in two rooms plus a bath. We slept on a pull-out sofa bed in the living room. The kitchen had a camper-sized appliance that was a combination two-burner stove and tiny refrigerator. No oven at all... which is why I learned to cook so many one-pot stovetop meals.

What would you have been voted "most likely to" in high school?

Drop out, probably. Or die of lung cancer... I was a notorious bathroom smoker.

Finish this sentence: People might be surprised to find out that I

Used to be pretty religious.

What kind of vacations do you like?

Days spent lying on the beach doing nothing but enjoying the air, sun, water and girls in bikinis. Evenings spent dining in nice restaurants, finding the �colorful� part of town and checking out sex stores, curiousity shops, weird book stores, occult supply stores and the like. Las Vegas sounds like fun too, and I�ve also always wanted to take a cruise.

Choose three inanimate objects that could describe who you are, and tell why you chose them.

A thermometer, because my moods are mercurial.

A geode, because although I may look plain and dull on the outside, on the inside I sparkle.

A sieve, as in �mind like a...�

What is your current state of mind?

Sleepy

When is the first time you remember winning at something important to you and how did it make you feel?

I was the biggest klutz ever and horrible at sports until I tried ju-jitsu in my twenties. I turned out to be pretty good at it and was surprised to find that I had a very aggressive fighting style as well. I was thrilled at the time, and would have gone on for my black belt if I hadn�t gotten divorced and destituted myself and couldn�t afford lessons anymore.

What's your idea of the perfect breakfast, and what time of day do you like to eat it?

Three eggs over easy, hash browns, plenty of bacon, toast with jelly. Or eggs over easy, sausage gravy and biscuits. Or eggs benedict with a side of hash browns. Or pancakes with boysenberry syrup and bacon. Any of the above with orange juice and coffee. I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE breakfast. In fact, just point me to the buffet and roll me out when we�re done.

What vice will you never give up, no matter what?

What are my choices?

Have you been to a high school reunion? If so, did it suck or rock?

Never been, never will. I can�t imagine why I�d want to see any of the assholes I went to school with ever again. Oh, sure, who WASN�T an asshole at 15? And I�m certain most of them have grown into perfectly nice people. But in my head, they�ll always be assholes. Sorry.

What kind of pets do you want to have in the future?

I�d love to have a big dog. To eat up all the cats. (Ok, not really to eat the cats. But I would love an Irish Wolfhound just because they are huge and charming and adorable.)

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

More information is needed to solve this problem. It would vary depending on the strength, stamina and level of motivation of the individual woodchuck, as well as on the amount of wood available for chucking at a given time.

What kind of bread do you eat most often?

Whole wheat.

What was your favorite book before age 16?

Gone With the Wind. I read it so many times I had portions of it memorized and used to �read� it to myself in my head if I had trouble falling asleep.

Does it taste great or is it less filling?

Depends on where you put it.

You decide to throw a party. What sort of things do you plan for it? Trivial Pursuit? Wine? Jell-o wrestling? Pygmies on skateboards?

I can�t imagine I�d ever actually want to throw a party... I�m more of a small gatherings type of person. But if I�m going to have people over then we need food. And liquor. Trivial Pursuit would be good. Strip Trivial Pursuit would be better. Maybe my party would be a sex party... you know, if I weren�t so self-conscious about what I look like naked. But as for a regular, keep-your-clothes-on type of party... well, my dad used to throw really fun New Year�s Eve parties where we�d eat and get drunk and play games like Pictionary and Guesstures. We always had a blast, so I�d probably do something like that.

How many times a day do you check your e-mail?

Several times a day, even though I rarely get anything but spam these days.

You're alone in the house and want a piece of pie. There's one piece left in the fridge, but your obnoxious roommate has claimed it as his/her own. You really want that piece of pie. What do you do?

Well, it would depend. Did the roommate have a legitimate claim to the pie? Did he/she purchase it, or is it a fairness issue like I�ve already eaten my share? In that case I�d probably leave it alone (or pick at it imperceptibly, possibly all day long until it accidentally became gone, at which point I would feel horribly guilty and would be inclined to offer some sort of compensation or replacement.) Otherwise, I�d probably just eat it and he/she could get the fuck over it.

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Previous - Next
Last Five
Crappy job crap, weird neighbor, and someone whose baby I apparently want to have - 2006-05-08
Live from the dump - 2006-04-09
Kind of like a muzzle for your brain - 2006-03-29
...and then she fell ass-first into my cereal bowl - 2006-03-28
Playing catch-up - 2006-03-27

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