I feel really cranky this afternoon.

My drawing class sucked this morning. We're using something called a conte crayon which is apparently Satan's gift to the arts... it's a chunky broad stick of a substance with a chalky texture similar to charcoal so it's difficult to make anything but fat, clunky ugly lines with it--yet it has more wax added so it's damn near impossible to erase the ugliness of the lines you create with it. My third attempt to draw the clusterfuck of boxes and shit he's calling a still life turned into a big muddy ugly blob of poop. I hate drawing with this crap, and I want to grind the stupid crayons under my heel into a big chalky smear of burnt umber right in the middle of the art teacher's forehead. This is Drawing I... for beginners. Can we at least use something that will fucking erase?

It hasn't improved my mood any to discover that, despite the four shitloads of money I've spent at the grocery over the last week, there's not a goddamn thing to eat in this house. Oh, sure, the cupboards are overflowing, but YOU try making a decent lunch out of 12 cans of black beans, 8 boxes of low-fat popcorn, a can of mandarin oranges and your choice of any one of four kinds of yukky dry cereal! Do you see a complete protein source in there? I submit that you do not! Seriously, man, it sucks here. I want something GOOD. Like some meat that's not ninety percent salt like the cheap-ass hotdogs I just gagged down. Something a little tasty on the side, and maybe some nice fruit. Fruit... like the grapes and cherries and peaches and strawberries and watermelon I just purchased two freaking days ago and is now gone? Yeah, fruit like that!

I dunno what I really want... just something good. I'm sick of my own cooking, really, I'm sick of anything I can think of to buy or cook or even eat out. Of course, that could be from the hotdogs I just ate... they're so gross they could put a person off food for life.

So there's that bugging me, plus the fact that I really don't want to go to school tonight. No reason... it's still easy and boring because of all the overlap with my other classes. I just don't feel like fucking leaving the house. But I'd have to call up and make an excuse why I'm not there, and I hate having to do that. What the hell ever happened to the idea that "...in college nobody makes you go and nobody cares if you show up or not. If you don't go you're just hurting yourself..." Yes, I think I could stand the pain in return for an evening off, thanks very much. If only I didn't have to call up and fake a cough like it's my fucking JOB or something.

I'm cold and sleepy and undernourished and I just don't feel like facing almost four hours of putzing around putting the little details on the printing project I've got going. I want to stay home and read, dammit.

And don't even get me started on how much I don't want to go in for the last Paper class tomorrow afternoon. Or how much I don't want to go and draw unflattering portraits of my classmates in conte-fuckingshit-crayon on Thursday or worse yet, be the subject of one. I do not need to see how fat I look to someone else's eye, thanks anyhow. And then four more hours of putzing on Thursday night, and then up at the ass-crack of dawn on Friday to party non-stop with the in-laws all weekend. Which should be all kinds of fun, but for some "older" people, they will sure wear my thirty-something ass out dragging it all over St. Louis.

So yeah, I know you didn't need to read all that, but there is no one here to listen to me whine it all out of my system, so there you go.

I'm not even sure that it helped. Maybe what I really need is a healthy poop.

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Last Five
Crappy job crap, weird neighbor, and someone whose baby I apparently want to have - 2006-05-08
Live from the dump - 2006-04-09
Kind of like a muzzle for your brain - 2006-03-29
...and then she fell ass-first into my cereal bowl - 2006-03-28
Playing catch-up - 2006-03-27

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