In the past couple of weeks, I�ve mentioned several times the need to conserve funds for our upcoming trip to St. Louis. It�s been kind of tricky... we really can�t afford a vacation this summer, but this trip is not exactly optional. The Prince�s whole family is congregating there this weekend, and it will likely be the only time we�ll get to see any of them this year. His parents are �helping� us with the motel bill and probably with some of our meals, too. So even though we really can�t afford to be spending the other couple hundred dollars in gas and other miscellaneous expenses it�s going to cost us, it would be very difficult to tell them we couldn�t make it. Besides, we really DO want to go see everyone! The Prince is very close to his family, and we always have a lot of fun when we get together.

The couple hundred dollars in miscellaneous money we need to have includes around $100 for gas, and then I had planned to have about $500 on hand for things like meals, admission to see the Arch, spending money at the zoo, etc. This hopefully would have been a WAY high estimate. I figured in all the meals for the three of us at restaurants... with so many of us hanging around down there I�m sure his aunt (who is the only one who lives in the area and thus has kitchen facilities) won�t be doing any cooking, and I don�t want to COUNT on the parents-in-law paying for our meals (even though they probably will pay for at least a couple.) There�s also the possibility of �hey let�s go to a movie� or �hey let�s go swimming� or �hey let�s� do any of a number of activities that could nickel-and-dime a family of three to death on vacation. So, yeah, $500 probably was a high estimate but I was hoping to get away with only spending maybe $200 and then coming home with $300 left to stick back in the bank.

I figured up our budget last week and by combining our entire life savings with the leftovers from the Prince�s last paycheck, we�d have just had the $600 I wanted to take. Cool. But then last week, I noticed something funny about the Prince. He�s not looking very princely these days. He�s actually looking kind of bum-ly, really. The man hates to shop, and even when he needs new stuff he doesn�t make a lot of noise about it so I don�t shop for him all that often either. Plus, for a sedentary guy he is EXTREMELY hard on his clothes and shoes. I�ve gotten so used to his raggedy casual look that I don�t often notice it anymore, but since I�ve been in �preparation� mode for the past few weeks I�m looking at everything with a more critical eye and the poor Prince is no exception. I�m NOT taking him down to see his mother looking like a scrounge in holey jeans and ragged-out sneakers! So, last weekend I decided to cut the budget by $100 and pick him up a few things at Walmart. I got him some new jeans, a pair of shorts, new socks, a pair of sneakers and a pair of new work shoes (which he also happened to need desperately and I found a pair on sale at the place where I got the sneakers.) I also picked up a much-needed purse for myself, and a pair of sandals for the Evil Childe who can�t seem to find the pair she thought she had; and also some shampoo and razor blades and some �rags� (yeah, THAT kind)and hairspray and stuff, all to the tune of about $120.

Then went to pick up the Prince�s prescription and nearly fainted when they charged me $125! Called the Prince on the cell phone to wail in his ear about it and found out that since we�ve changed health plans (again!) that we now owe a big-ass deductible on prescriptions. Fuck! There goes another huge chunk of the budget...

Then, I�ve had to go to the store more times than I can count because no matter how much groceries I buy, there�s never anything to eat here! $65 here and $50 there adds up pretty quickly too...

By this time, I�d kind of lost track but I was pretty sure we still had about $300 for the trip and even though I HATED to think of this option, we do have a couple hundred bucks available on the Discover card. (I hate to think of it because it�s taken me quite a bit of effort to get it paid down below the limit, and I�d hoped to keep chipping away at it without using it until it�s down to $0.) But, at least we�d have it if we needed it.

So, we�re leaving tomorrow morning and I thought I�d better sit down and figure out EXACTLY how much we had to take with us so we could withdraw the cash on the way out of town. I logged into our online banking expecting to see maybe $400 in the account... and nearly keeled over when I saw that our account balance was only $53!!

My heart nearly burst from my chest, beating wildly, just like in the cartoons. How can this be? HOW CAN THIS BE???? What the hell did I do, I know I didn�t keep track but surely I couldn�t have spent 300-fucking-dollars on miscellaneous bullshit without meaning to? Oh, fuck... oh SHIT... WHAT THE HELL ARE WE GOING TO DO???

Not going was simply NOT an option. The Prince�s mom would be simply livid... she would literally crawl through the phone line and slash both of us to death on the spot with her bare fingernails. Seriously... you know how, under extreme stress, some mothers are said to develop super-human powers that enable them to lift cars off their children? Well, I have little doubt that, fueled by rage, my mother-in-law would be able to pull off a bloody long-distance double homicide. At the very least there would be much verbal wrath to deal with and we�d be forever branded as �the irresponsible ones... the ones who can�t be counted on... the ones who don�t give a shit about the family.� And possibly there would be a tense offer to send enough money to cover all our getting-there expenses... how humiliating would THAT be?

So I�m seriously freaking out... what to do, what to do? Then I remember the Discover card. Ok, the $300 available credit on the card will get us there. If we try not to eat much and veto any suggested activity that will require spending money and count on the in-laws for a meal or two, we should be able to do this. And the Prince�s check should be deposited on Monday so unless something goes wrong with THAT we�ll be able to get more cash to get us home. (Of course, that fucks next month�s budget all to hell... but like Scarlett O�Hara, I won�t think about that today... I�ll worry about it tomorrow.)

Next step, wake the Prince and tell him what a terrible horrible awful thing I�ve done, and the not-so-wonderful solution I�ve come up with to �fix� things. Dear, sweet, adorable man did not even yell at me, like I�m sure I would have yelled at him, because he is a much more wonderful human being than I. Then back out to the computer to go through my checkbook and figure out just what the hell I did wrong. But first, let�s see if I can find that $25 check my dad sent us for our anniversary (like $25 is going to make a big difference at this point, but maybe if I roll up all of our spare change too...)

As I anxiously searched through my basket-o�-bills-related-shit, I found several stubs from old child support checks, and old mileage checks and I thought, �wouldn�t it be nice if I found one that I forgot to cash?� And just then the glimmer of a thought began to form in the one shriveled-up brain cell I own. Words began to echo through my brain like a scene from a made-for-TV movie. �Uncashed-ashed-ashed... check-eck-eck...� It took a couple of repetitions for me to catch on, but suddenly I vaguely remembered�hey, didn�t I put the Prince�s last mileage check and the pitiful little child support check aside uncashed so I wouldn�t spend the money?

A-HAAAAAA! THAT�s where the missing three hundred dollars was! In my dresser drawer, the entire time! Do you have ANY idea how fucking relieved I am right now? I was so excited that I had to wake the Prince back up to celebrate. (Which is when I discoved that the Monster Fun-Noodle was also pretty excited about it... or about something, anyway. So, I gave it a celebratory blow-job just because I was in such a giddy, damn good mood.)

***************

In the throes of despair before I remembered about the uncashed checks, I had already decided I wasn�t going to school today, and called myself off. I just couldn�t imagine sitting through the drawing class being as agitated and anxious as I was. But really, I needed to stay home today anyway. I�ve got a shitload of stuff to do... finish packing, help the Prince out with his laundry, pick up the house, do the dishes and and get all the trash taken out so we don�t come back to a nasty, stinky apartment, and get the cats all set up with extra litter, food and water (since we�re only going to be gone for three days, there�s no need to bother boarding them.)

So, I�m off to go get busy. I probably won�t update again until next Wednesday.

0 felt the need to share

Previous - Next
Last Five
Crappy job crap, weird neighbor, and someone whose baby I apparently want to have - 2006-05-08
Live from the dump - 2006-04-09
Kind of like a muzzle for your brain - 2006-03-29
...and then she fell ass-first into my cereal bowl - 2006-03-28
Playing catch-up - 2006-03-27

Designed by So-Charming.
Technical assistance provided by The Prince.