Doink, doink, doink...

That would be the sound of my ex-husband poking me in the ass with his dick.

A bit of background info... by Ohio law, under which Dick and I were divorced, child support MUST be paid through the local child support enforcement agency (and they charge the payor something like $10 a month for the privilege, too.) I have no idea how Dick actually gets the money to them... it could be coming directly out of his payroll or he could be dragging in a little red wagon full of pennies every other week for all I know�or care. The checks I see are cut directly from the enforcement agency, and contain absolutely NO information on his circumstances whatsoever.

So �member how I recently mentioned (ok, ranted on at length�same difference) receiving a child support check for about a third of the usual amount, just in time to screw up the budget for Shoestring Vacation 2003? I had no idea WHY the check was so short, but not wanting to be unnecessarily confrontational with the ex, I decided to hold off on calling him about it and just see what happened with the next check. Maybe he�d just been sick and had a short work-week or something. (You may have noticed I made no mention of him calling ME to explain. But this is the man who only a couple of weeks ago stated that he did not have enough money to buy a phone card to call and thank his child for sending him a Father�s Day gift, so you see the kind of mentality I�m working with here.)

So the other day the Evil Childe finally got a hold of her dad after they had played phone tag for about a week, and he insisted she put me on the phone even though I was on my way out the door.

�Hey... have you called the child support enforcement place to let them know I got a different job? I�m only working part-time at (former job) now, so ya better give them a call if you want to start getting the full amount of support again.�

The unspoken �you dummy� was implied by his tone of voice.

What the hell? Why on earth would I have called the child support place to let them know his new job status and information, when I didn�t even know it myself? I haven�t talked to the man in weeks, and at that time all I knew was that he was looking for a better job, much the same as he has been since he moved to Minnesota a year ago. Seeing as how HE has all the pertinent information on this new job (you know, little details like the company NAME, address, phone number for the payroll department, and salary information) and HE has to be the one to fill out paperwork authorizing the new payroll deduction, wouldn�t it make sense that HE be the one to call to get things changed around? I�m thinking that that makes a whole lot more sense than expecting me to somehow psychically know that he�s gotten a better job, and the pertinent details thereof.

I calmly pointed this out to him, and immediately he got all defensive, like I'M the one being absurd.

�Are you SURE I�m allowed to call the enforcement place and give them my information?�

Yes, I�m quite sure. It doesn�t HAVE to be about one parent �siccing� them on the other parent, you know. In fact, I�m sure they�d quite prefer NOT having to track you down on the basis of my �hunch� that you maybe might have gotten a better job somewhere in Minnesota.

I can hear him scratching his head through the phone.

�Why would they take my word for it? I mean, I could just call up any old time and tell them I got another job and they�d believe me?�

Yeah. Because if you LIE to them, remember they are in cahoots with the IRS, and all will be revealed come next April.

(And he knows this... he was all aglee last year when he thought he�d be getting MY income tax refund for 2001 because I was slightly in arrears (from way back when we first divorced and I wasn�t working.) He was quite disappointed to find out otherwise... I�d been paying a small amount towards the arrears ever since I started making regular payments and thus was not considered in default. A nice little loophole he himself started taking advantage of shortly before 2002 tax refund time when HE was in arrears.))

He is bewildered. Bumfuzzled. �But... but... it�s your case...�

No, it�s OUR case. Smith vs. Smith (if our last names happened to be Smith), case number XYZ123. We�re in this together, dude. You and me, joined at the wallet for the next three-or-so years by order of the great state of Ohio.

I finally got him to allow as how he�d TRY giving them a call and see if they�d take his information. (What, like they�re going to turn down a call from a dad who�s calling to GIVE them money? Like maybe it takes all the sport out of it for them if they don�t have to hunt him down like a mangy dog?)

Later, relating the story to the Prince, I was wondering aloud how I could have been married to someone THAT stupid for 13 years and not have realized it. And the Prince, I believe, hit the nail on the head...

It was all smoke and mirrors. Dick needed a little extra money this month, so he cooked up this �I�m an idiot� cover story so he could enjoy a couple of paychecks child-support free. He�s not stupid, he�s a liar who believes the best defense is a good offense... just like always. Hence the �you dummy, if you want your money why haven't you called them� blame-shifting tactic.

Hmph. I guess if they ever erect a monument to stupidity, it�s going to have MY likeness on it.

Now I get to wait and wonder if Dick actually went ahead and called them or if I�m going to get a third short child-support check because he �didn�t have time to call� or some such bullshit. Meanwhile, Dick tells me that he�s making great money at his new job. And not only is Prunella now working full time making decent money, she�s getting a nice worker�s comp settlement for the months she was off with a �back injury� (placed in quotes because while I have no idea if it�s legit or not, I do enjoy casting aspersions upon her character when the opportunity presents itself.)

So they�re rolling in piles of money right now while I cash a child support check for $39 dollars, right after paying $153 I didn�t have to get the Evil One enrolled in school, and wonder how I�m going to manage to get her clothes and supplies without plunging our meager budget into weeks of slowly swirling in a circle around the toilet hole.

And the real pisser is... guess who is going to be mailed automatically the tax-cut check I�M entitled to? Because although I have the right to claim the Evil Childe on my taxes for 2003, I let him claim her in 2002. And even though it�s actually an advance on the tax cuts for 2003, they are mailing the checks to whoever claimed the child in 2002. Which, in case you got lost, would be HIM. Which pisses me off to no end, because even though I think that the tax cuts are a really dumb idea, as long as they are going to happen anyway I�d really rather have the $400 in my pocket than his. Insult added to injury added to injury, is what THAT is.

Now you see a small part of the reason why I�ve named him Dick for purposes of this diary. Like all dicks, he�s in desperate need of a good beating.

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Last Five
Crappy job crap, weird neighbor, and someone whose baby I apparently want to have - 2006-05-08
Live from the dump - 2006-04-09
Kind of like a muzzle for your brain - 2006-03-29
...and then she fell ass-first into my cereal bowl - 2006-03-28
Playing catch-up - 2006-03-27

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