Got my last drawing critiqued yesterday morning, took the rather tame Graphic Arts final yesterday evening, and starting today I�m a free woman for the next six weeks. How damn cool is that?

The burning question is�how do I keep all my good intentions and the next six weeks of my life from being sucked into the computer as I sink ever deeper into a warm cozy pit of apathy and depression?

See, as much as I hate working, it has become apparent that I don�t do well without some sort of structure and purpose to my days. Oh, the first few days of freedom are usually glorious... indulging my naturally skewed body rhythms by sleeping and waking at odd hours of the day and night, surfing the internet aimlessly for hours at a stretch... and uh... uh... well, I guess that�s it, really. There should be more items on a list of glorious time-off indulgences, but I am ashamed to say that usually there are not. Sometimes I have managed to get a little housework done, but as time creeps by and the lack of purpose nudges me ever closer to the edge of despair, more often than not the unstructured time finds me sitting unshowered at the computer for days, and jumping up only minutes before the Prince arrives home from work to throw a frozen pizza into the oven. Occasionally I go all out and make chili. On a really ambitious day I might open the mail... but don�t count on it.

As usual, I�m going into the next six weeks with the best of intentions, a list of things I want to accomplish over my break. I really don�t want to waste this chunk of time. REALLY I don�t. During the too-busy periods of my life, which translates to usually, I�m always wishing for a lengthy stretch of days off that would allow me plenty of relaxation-time as well as time for working on projects, getting caught up on household tasks, and, once and for all, getting myself ORGANIZED (again.) Yet when I do find myself the lucky beneficiary of a few weeks off, more often than not I just waste the hell out of it. Depression often factors in, but I�m never sure if I�m not getting anything done because I�m depressed, or if I�m depressed because I�m not getting anything done. Probably a little of both.

Anyway... I�ve got this list of goals, and I�m going to try putting myself on a loosely-structured daily schedule that will build in some time for making progress on each one, every day. I�m not sure how well it�s going to work, because self-discipline is NOT my middle name. But I don�t like the ring of Amy �Totally Unproductive Slug� Surname either.

For your reading torment, I hereby submit my (Probably Overly) Ambitious List of Planned Accomplishments for Summer Break, 2003:

1. Work through exercises in Illustrator workbook, and learn the keyboard shortcuts.�This needs to be my highest priority since I already scheduled a class for next quarter that�s going to require a significant degree of familiarity with Illustrator.

2. Follow my Weight Watchers plan to the letter.�Something about having a definite time period mapped out of my life makes me feel like I�d like to be a significant degree thinner at the end of it. I�m shooting for 15 pounds in six weeks, but I�ll be happy if I just keep losing something consistently.

3. Get back on the damn vitamins.�I know they play a huge part in keeping my moods stable, but filling up the box is a HUGE pain in the ass. And opening up every bottle, every day is an even huger one. I�m going to have to resolve this little dilemma somehow, as I am all too aware that letting my moods get the best of me is a swift and sure road to emotional ruin.

4. Exercise 5 days a week.�This is important since I�ll no longer have the built-in exercise of walking to and from the bus stop several times a week. I have a weight-lifting, fat-burning exercise tape and a yoga tape I�d like to work with, and probably I�ll do some walking, swimming and elliptical-trainer work as well. Might as well mix it up while I�ve got the options and the time.

5. Do 15 minutes of organizing per day.�This one is meant to be sneaky... if I tell myself I only HAVE to do 15 minutes, then I�m more likely to get started. I�m hoping that once I get going, I won�t stop at 15 minutes, but even if I do, even 15 minutes a day will add up. Right? The big organizing project I need to complete is my two years� worth of back filing. Picture a large laundry basket heaped to twice its height with papers and crap. Now picture lying next to it another pile roughly the same size stuffed into grocery bags and shoe boxes, and you�ll have a pretty good idea of what I�m up against. Other projects include getting my address file cards re-filed, since one of the stupid cats knocked it over a few months ago; getting my recipes in some sort of order; and just general re-straightening up of all the stuff I just got done organizing a few weeks ago, because it never fucking ENDS, does it?

6. Do one hour of cleaning per day.�Surely I can manage one measly HOUR, right? Half an hour for the dailies (dishes, trash, cat box, picking up) and half an hour to spend in one room per day cleaning, dusting, vacuuming.

7. Draw for at least 15 minutes per day.�Because I�m never going to get good at it if I don�t practice.

8. Read three non-fiction and three fiction books.�You should see the stacks of unread books I own. Books I keep purchasing even when I don�t need anything to read because I find them on sale and I know I�ll never be able to get them so cheap again, and full-price books I also didn�t need but they looked really good and I was afraid I�d forget to get them later. (Yes, I�ve tried writing the titles down for future purchase, but I�m horrible at keeping track of notebooks and index cards and such. Like you find this surprising.) I also have a habit of running out of steam in the middle of a book... many of the books in my ceiling-high unread stack would be more properly classified as half-read. You wouldn�t think that someone who loves books as much as I do would have to put reading on a To Do list, would you? But ever since I discovered the computer my actual book-reading has gone WAY down. The hop-skip-jump-around style of the Internet is dreadfully well-suited to the limited attention span and endless impulsivity of the ADD brain. At this point, I think my aching mouse-hand and shoulder would appreciate a break from the overuse.

9. Update this diary once a week.�It was a bit tricky trying to decide how often I should shoot for an update. I find I can go either direction on this during some down time... either I get busy with other stuff and don�t update at all, or I update several times daily to avoid getting busy with other stuff in the first place. I don�t like either option. So I figure once a week at a minimum, once daily at a maximum. Probably I�ll settle somewhere in the middle.

10. Set up the notebooks I want to use to keep track of my housework and goals, and work up a schedule to help me stay organized once school starts back up.

Am I not going to be the most virtuous person you know when all this comes to pass? I�m sure progress reports will be forthcoming. Or not, depending on how well I do. But for now, I suppose I should probably go do something.

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Last Five
Crappy job crap, weird neighbor, and someone whose baby I apparently want to have - 2006-05-08
Live from the dump - 2006-04-09
Kind of like a muzzle for your brain - 2006-03-29
...and then she fell ass-first into my cereal bowl - 2006-03-28
Playing catch-up - 2006-03-27

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