Something has given me some really terrible gas the past couple of days. You know, the kind of gas where you fart somewhere, and leave for awhile, and when you come back 15 minutes later the noxious green cloud is still hanging right there where you left it? And plants are shriveling up, smoke alarms are screaming shrilly, and people are running from the room gasping and cursing your name with their one remaining breath? Yeah, THAT kind of terrible.

There is an upside, however. It�s driving the cats absolutely mad.

I was lying on the bed talking on the phone yesterday and, being that I was all alone save for the two cats frolicking about the room, I went ahead and let a nasty one rip. When I hung up the phone a few seconds later, I noticed both cats frantically licking their asses, which I thought was rather odd until I realized�each cat thought the horrible stench was coming from his own butt. You can imagine the thought process...

*sniff... sniff* �Good gawd, is that ME??? *lick lick lick lick lick...*

The licking went on and on, because I kept farting and they kept smelling it and thinking they weren�t clean yet.

I amused myself with this new game for many minutes, finding their confusion and diligent-but-fruitless efforts to remedy the situation hysterically funny; but I finally had to put an end to the festivities as it was well past the time that I should have dinner started.

After I got everything started cooking, I sat down at the computer to do some homework, and while I was there I was hit with another gas attack so I ripped off a few more nasty ones. The horrendous clouds of eau de me just were not dissipating so I got up to open a window and light a scented candle to clear the room a bit before the Prince got home. (No shit... when I say they were bad, I mean BAD.)

Meanwhile, the biggest, fattest of the cats�the one with the hellaciously smelly poop whose odour will permeate the entire apartment for an hour after he does his business�sniffed at the air and, with a puzzled look, trotted over to the litter box, reached in and began scratching around to cover up the invisible thing from which the terrible smell surely must have been emanating.

I think I may have given my poor kitties a complex. What fun!

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Last Five
Crappy job crap, weird neighbor, and someone whose baby I apparently want to have - 2006-05-08
Live from the dump - 2006-04-09
Kind of like a muzzle for your brain - 2006-03-29
...and then she fell ass-first into my cereal bowl - 2006-03-28
Playing catch-up - 2006-03-27

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