So we finally got the digital camera software. The Prince fiddled around with it until he figured out how it worked, and then he unloaded all the pictures we have been storing on the camera for over a year. Suddenly, things turned very ugly. Well, actually not so much �things� as one thing, and not so much turned ugly, but was nevertheless discovered to be, very ugly indeed.

Lurking among this batch of pictures happened to be the most hideous picture of myself that I have ever seen... which is really saying something, considering that even on my best day I photograph lousy. And this was far, far from my best day. I�m sure the only reason this picture exists is due to a sneak attack by the Evil Childe. And judging from my sour expression, I don�t think I was any too pleased at the time.

Here�s the thing... I know I�m not fabulous-looking. I wasn�t bad-looking when I was thin, but I am not a person who carries her weight well. Too fat in the face, too much belly and boobs. I clean up fairly well nevertheless�a little attention to clothes, hair and makeup does make a bit of difference. Still, I never thought I looked hideous in casual-mode. Boy, have I been kidding myself.

My skin looks like white death with no makeup on, and without a little help from Maybelline my eyes and eyebrows simply disappear into the big pasty blob that is my face. Even my lips look bloodless. The gray at my temples looks more slovenly than distinguished and just contributes to the overall impression of blah. I never realized how bad I look with my hair pulled back, nor how ugly my favorite multi-colored flannel �lounging around� shirt is, nor how ratty my white �comfort� cardigan sweater had become. I knew my giant boobs weren�t exactly perky, but I had no idea that, without a bra, when I sit in a chair they sit right down on my lap. I had no idea I looked so stinking OLD.

Talk about your wake-up calls! The person in that photograph is NOT the person I am on the inside. In my head I�m young and sexy and fun-loving (sort of) and goofy. I guess I always thought I looked charmingly rumpled in my grungy clothes with bed hair and no makeup. Why on earth didn�t I notice that I had turned into a troll?

So that�s it. I�m on a mission to banish my outer hag once and for all! It�s back on Weight Watchers I go!

And...

I need to find a comfortable bra I can wear around the house. I�m not expecting such a bra to lift and separate, but there must be a way to get them hoots up off my kneecaps without resorting to underwires or industrial-strength elastic. Any of you big girls out there have any suggestions?

Makeup is my new best friend. It takes me five minutes to apply a little powder foundation, fluff on some blush, make with the mascara and pencil in my eyebrows. Bare lips will be a thing of the past as well... wearing a little colored lip balm at all times ought to give the illusion that I have brought my raging anemia under control without having to resort to full-on lipstick.

The hair is getting colored every four weeks, along with the eyebrows. Starting this very afternoon.

The clothes... well, that may take some time. I just can�t afford to throw out all my comfy-uglies and start afresh. But, from now on I plan to buy at least one item of clothing every payday and get rid of one old item. The flourescent-colored flannel? Goes in the trash today.

I oughta print that stupid picture out and paste it all over the house to make me stay motivated.

I can�t say that little reality check did any favors for my mood, either. Lately I feel less than enthused about things in general. Got lots I want to do, both housework-wise and fun-stuff-wise, but when it comes time to actually, you know, MOVE MY ASS or something, I can�t seem to muster up a whole lot of energy or enthusiasm. I�m not even enjoying school right now. Nothing horrible going on so far (give it time... it�s still early in the quarter) but nothing interesting either. Every day I have to drag myself in, in spite of the whiny protestations of the little voice inside my head. My house is still a mess because every time I start to work on it, I get about 15 minute�s worth of cleaning done before I drift back into the computer chair for another couple of hours of aimless surfing or to the bed for yet another little nappy-poo.

But not today! Today I am heading over to Fashion Bug to see what�s on sale, and then I am coming home and coloring my hair, and if that�s not too much of a drain on my sad little supply of personal energy, maybe I�ll even get around to picking up the house a little.

Not that it needs it or anything.

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Previous - Next
Last Five
Crappy job crap, weird neighbor, and someone whose baby I apparently want to have - 2006-05-08
Live from the dump - 2006-04-09
Kind of like a muzzle for your brain - 2006-03-29
...and then she fell ass-first into my cereal bowl - 2006-03-28
Playing catch-up - 2006-03-27

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