I am going to do something tonight that I haven't done nearly 20 years.

I am going to get a bad grade.

I am not happy about this. It is my own fault... I seriously misjudged the amount of time it would take me to complete my page layout project, and I fiddle-fucked around way too much tweaking the graphics in Illustrator (because I LOVE Illustrator) and didn't leave myself nearly enough time for slapping it all together in Quark (because me no likey the Quark. Or more properly, me no very proficient at the Quark.)

Actually, I'm probably going to get a better grade than I deserve, because I whined to the teacher on Tuesday and she took pity upon my panicked soul and walked me through setting up the document properly... else I surely would be looking a big fat F square in the eye. But still, the project is due tonight and I only have two and a half hours to import all my graphics, format all my text, search the damn thing over for errors and print out whatever needs to be turned in. Also, I didn't get the graphic for the back cover finished, so unless they rest of the project goes MUCH quicker than I think it will, my back cover will be naked, and not in a good way. Also, my color choices for the front cover graphic look much more washed out in print than I expected, so the damn thing won't even look good enough to justify all the time I put into it, and it's too late to fix it.

Did I mention that I am seriously not happy about this? I am anxious out of all proportion to the relative non-direness of the situation. I'm not even sure what I'm anxious about. I'm not likely to die of a bad grade, for pete's sake. It's not like the teacher is going to HIT me. And although I will be disappointed to see my 4.0 go down the drain, I'd have to fuck up a lot more than this to put a huge dent in my GPA.

Seriously... I think I'm afraid to stop being anxious about it, because I'm not entirely sure the anxiety hasn't been the only thing keeping me motivated to get good grades this entire time. If I let myself be ok with not getting perfect grades, the next thing you know I'll be blowing off classes and assignments completely and get myself thrown out on my ear.

Sound like the neurotic thinking of an insecure mind, kinda. But maybe neuroses are akin to paranoia... just because I'm neurotic doesn't mean I'm not RIGHT.

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Crappy job crap, weird neighbor, and someone whose baby I apparently want to have - 2006-05-08
Live from the dump - 2006-04-09
Kind of like a muzzle for your brain - 2006-03-29
...and then she fell ass-first into my cereal bowl - 2006-03-28
Playing catch-up - 2006-03-27

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