I finished my final project in my most-hated class last night, and I've got about an hour's worth of work left on the last project in the other class. Next Friday and the following Tuesday I have final exams (which I am NOT making myself nuts studying for, by the way!) and then I am OUT OF THERE for the summer. I'm so happy I could shit gold bars.

A lovely three day weekend looms ahead, and while what I would LIKE to do is plenty of relaxing and maybe some socializing and, in a perfect world, running about spending all kinds of money, my reality consists of a chore list that had to be written up in volumes.

For the past few weeks, I've pretty much given up on cleaning, and the place is now scary filthy. For one thing, lately this has become the place where old appliances go to die. We've replaced a multitude of worn or broken items over the past few weeks, but somehow the final step of carrying the predecessor of each new item out to the trash has never been completed.

The Evil Childe's dead VCR was laid to rest in a corner of the living room back at Christmastime when she received a new DVD player from her dad. Then OUR DVD player promptly kicked the bucket. We finally replaced it a few weeks ago (who knew they were so cheap these days?) and the old one somehow just got dragged out into the middle of the living room floor and the Big Fat Cat is now using for a bed (he's weird that way.) The old, crapped-out computer is sitting in another corner, waiting for us to make up our minds regarding its final destination. There is a dead fan lying on its side on the bedroom floor and another decrepit one lurks under a junk-pile in here somewhere, while the newer versions whir away merrily in their places. There is a new coffeemaker and a rice-cooker still in boxes in the middle of the dining room, while the dead versions take up space in the kitchen.

The old, mostly-dead vacuum cleaner sits behind the chair in the living room. My plan is to keep it so the Evil One can use it for vacuuming her room. She, of course, insists that it's completely dead and that she simply MUST be allowed to use and break my shiny new one as soon as possible. I told her she will be sweeping her carpet with a broom, white-trash style, before she lays her destructive paw on my brand new shit.

That's just the tip of the titty here, folks. We've got crap to put away, crap to throw away, crap to scrape blue fur off of before piling into the dishwasher, formerly edible but now toxic crap to be removed from the cold-storage device, and one million pizza boxes to be rounded up and herded to the dumpster.

And that's all BEFORE I can start cleaning. I also have on the agenda the ceremonial Removing of the Cat Hair, the Cleaning of Cat Noseprints From the Great Glass Portal to the Outside World, The Sucking Up of Spilt Cat Litter From the Closet Floor, and then I get to top it all off with the Steam Cleaning of Various Disgusting Dried Fluids From the Formerly-Beige Now-Gray Carpet.

Before you start retching, just let me say that I did clean the bathroom and kitchen last week, and dusted/vacuumed a week before that, so most of the actual filth isn't as old as you might be imagining. But still it is there, and it is making me a crazy woman.

Believe it or not, despite the time constraints of a mere three day weekend, cleaning is not the only chore on my agenda. Right now, I am working on the budget. (Yes I am... shhhhhhhh.) Then at nine-thirty, I take two of the cats in to be shot... I mean immunized. Then at some point I have to clean out my car which stinks of the remains of old Quizno's ("We love the suuuuuubbbbbs, cause they have veg-a-bles!") and Chipotle's.

Certain personal care chores have fallen by the wayside lately, and Mother Nature needs some serious smacking down, oh yes she does. Pussy hair halfway down to one's knees is a little too much fiber for any man's diet. The fingernails and toenails need a good lopping off, there are gray roots hanging down to my ears, and a pair of maniacal eyebrows are claiming sovereignty over the entire top third of my face.

Go ahead. Admit it. You want me bad.

I feel like I'm leaving some shit out, because I know I didn't have any breathing time scheduled, but I better wrap this up before I start boring you. (Hehehe... I know it's far too late already, I'm just messing around. Please stop banging your forehead on the monitor... you're going to have an ugly grease stain to clean up.)

Well, over the past few weeks it's been proven that this stuff just isn't going to do itself no matter how hard I wish at it. So it's back to the budgeting I go, then off to the vet to make half of our kitties very, very unhappy.

Oh, wait, here comes their revenge right now. Luna just went into heat, right this very second. Wonder how she'd feel about spending the weekend in a box in the trunk of the car?

8 felt the need to share

Previous - Next
Last Five
Crappy job crap, weird neighbor, and someone whose baby I apparently want to have - 2006-05-08
Live from the dump - 2006-04-09
Kind of like a muzzle for your brain - 2006-03-29
...and then she fell ass-first into my cereal bowl - 2006-03-28
Playing catch-up - 2006-03-27

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