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Little bits of crap that were floating around in my head

2004-07-29 - 6:08 p.m.

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A few times on my way to work, I've noticed as I passed a particular building a small group of people standing outside it, near the road. Waiting for the bus, perhaps? That was the only reason I could think of for them being there in that particular spot at that particular time every day.

But the odd thing is, every person stands facing the building with their back to the road, instead of facing the road and peering down it expectantly like normal bus-waiting people.

Being a creature of very little attention span, I haven't pondered this little mystery at any length, but I have noticed it several times and wondered about it. But as of yesterday, I think the mystery may be solved. As I drove by, I saw a woman standing there with the group holding up a sign that read: "Abortion Kills Children."

Aha! says I. An abortion clinic picketing! Though without a lot of actual picketing really, because every time I've driven by, all of the people have just been standing there, placard-less, staring at the front door. Maybe they are hoping that the focusing of their collective guilt rays at the building will eventually wear the bastards down.

Me, I just made a casual mental note that "hey, there's an abortion clinic near my house" on the off-off-off chance I might ever find myself in a position to avail myself of its service. (God forbid.) Nice of them to draw attention to it for us folks who didn't know.

Today, for whatever reason, the Abortion Clinic Mind Control Brigade were gone.

In vaguely related news, I've been having some very twingey little cramps on the right side of my pelvic area that make me think I may actually be in the process of ovulating. Which is horrifying in a way, because I am oh-so-over the baby-making stage of my career and I always considered the reduced-fertility issues of PCOS to be a plus.

But on the other hand, resuming ovulation is a sign that my low-carb diet is helping my body get back to normal and THAT is beyond fabulous. So ovulate away, body! I will just have to be super-duper extra-extra-extra paranoid careful from now on, instead of just plain old extra-extra-extra paranoid careful like we used to be.

Oh, and I gotta look into getting clipped. BOTH of us, if possible. I'm fucking sick of dealing with condoms all the time, but I have a hard time imagining myself having enough faith in modern methods of sterilization to ride the baloney pony bareback unless both of us have had our fertile bits cordoned off.

Another amazing discovery I made today... I can always tell it is time to color my hair when I look in the mirror and notice that my whole face seems to have faded into a mass of blah-colored dough. Then I notice the gray roots and make the connection. But I never could figure out why just a little gray at the temples would have such a dramatic effect on my looks.

Today, I had to go talk to my boss about something, and I wanted to look decent, but was too lazy to color my hair yesterday. But in the process of making up my face, I decided to make with the eyebrow pencil for a change and I'll be damned if I didn't look about 500% better immediately! And then I realized that by the time the roots of my hair grow out, my carefully-dyed brunette eyebrows have grown out to their natural bland dishwater blonde color as well, and THAT is what is making me look so lifeless! Such a remarkable duh-scovery! (To me, anyhow. Shut up. I know I need a life.)

One more little tidbit, and then I'll leave you alone. Today I also discovered that if you eat a vanilla yogurt sweetened with Splenda and wash it down with Diet Vanilla Crack, when you exhale the taste in your mouth will be scarily reminscent of the scent of urinal cakes.

Also, hickory-flavored tuna tastes like an outhouse smells.

Ok, that was two tidbits, and both potty-related too. I'm on quite a little roll today.








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Previous - Next

Last Five
Crappy job crap, weird neighbor, and someone whose baby I apparently want to have - 2006-05-08
Live from the dump - 2006-04-09
Kind of like a muzzle for your brain - 2006-03-29
...and then she fell ass-first into my cereal bowl - 2006-03-28
Playing catch-up - 2006-03-27





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