The diet IS going well. I�ve lost 7 pounds all together, and I�m coping surprisingly well with the lack of carbs in my life. So well, in fact, that when I moved to Phase 2 of South Beach and was allowed to add back some carbs, I chose bran cereal because I�m sick of cooking myself eggs for breakfast. And I couldn�t think of anything else I really miss. The Prince is doing extremely well himself. He�s lost 10 pounds in two weeks, and is quite satisfied with the fare. We both think this is something we can keep up over the long haul.

Since it now seems very possible that I could actually lose all the weight I want on this diet, I�ve been giving a lot of thought to the kind of look I�d like to project once I�m small enough to shop in normal size stores and have more fashion options available. Because the look I�m sporting now just isn�t cutting it. I tend to dress in classic casual clothing, such as slim black or blue jeans and t-shirts or fitted blouses from Lane Bryant that give the illusion that I have a shape of some sort other than blobbish. I wear jewelry and cute shoes and a little make-up and my hair is long. I�m not unkempt most of the time, but somehow I just always manage to look very tame and boring and conservative. I see a lot of women who look youthful and chic in casual, minimalist clothes, but being an ADD person I imagine I�ve missed the crucial details that make such a look chic� such as being naturally thin and beautiful to begin with.

So I need a new look. I am wary of my own taste, because shit--I�ve been a mess for going on 40 years. If I had any latent fashion sense, I'm pretty sure it would have surfaced at some point by now. But I�m not big on following trends either because I prefer to be more of an individualist, which I kind of am with my sensible comfortable clothes. Yet the real essence of being an individualist is expressing your own personality, and I don�t think boring and tame and conservative are traits that define who I am at all.

I know clothes send a message to the world at large, and judging from the reactions I�m getting from other people, the messages I�m sending out are all wrong. It bothers me that people my own age think I�m older than I actually am. It bothers me that the young girl who cut my hair is shocked to realize that I�m the mother of the punk-looking kid in the next chair, and that she is even MORE shocked that our next stop is Hot Topic and that I am actually planning to go in and look around! It bothers me that the only people who are interested in talking to me in most of my classes are prissy old ladies and other assorted conservative religious goobers who are then shocked to discover I have a dirty mind and a mouth to match, and that no, I don�t find the kid with the pierced lips wearing eyeliner, a top hat and a StarFucker t-shirt to be particularly shocking or offensive. (I thought he was cute and I got quite a kick out of his dry sense of humor, much to the chagrin of the very nice but deeply offended church lady who insisted on sitting next to me in my drawing class, presumably because I was the only other �older� person there.)

Trying to figure out what look I DO want to project is kind of my current project. I was briefly tempted to go with the arty hipster look, with clunky glasses and black turtleneck sweater, but then I realized that I would be outed for a poser (or is it poseur (and does it make you even MORE of a poser to spell it fancy?)) in short order seeing as how I have absolutely zero interest in staying abreast of the current hipster-approved trends in music, film, and literature. Nor do I possess the required air of smug superiority.

Gauche I may be, but I like a little color with my black. Ok, a lot of color. This makes me think I could go the artsy-gypsy route, which is kind of where my natural proclivities lie. But there is a danger when going for bold and colorful, that being that there is a fine line between �gypsy� and �Mrs. Roper.� Remember the Indian-print pajamas? Yeah. I gotta be real careful with that.

In honor of my approaching 40th birthday, I spent some time perusing More magazine, trying to figure out what looks sexy and appropriate on someone my age. And I�m seeing tasteful cleavage, fitted sweaters, slim skirts, bold jewelry, leather, denim, boots, short funky hair, clunky eyeglasses. I could live with that, with the exception of the hair (which is staying long, and which I have decided must be incorporated as an integral part of any look I adopt) and the glasses.

Actually, the deal with the eyeglasses kind of sums up a big part of my problem with fashion. See, when the trend towards heavy dark frames first started, I was horrified. I couldn�t believe people were actually wearing the same ugly glasses we as kids in the seventies used to laugh about, when we saw people wearing them in pictures from the sixties. I couldn�t imagine how anyone found this look attractive, and I had nothing but scorn for hipsters and wanna-be�s who would wear a butt-ugly pair of glasses just for the sake of following a trend. It has only been in the last few years that I�ve started to kind of appreciate the retro-funky-arty appeal of the look, which must surely mean the beginning of the end for this trend. All I�d have to do to kill it absolutely dead is go out and get a pair for myself.

I just don�t have an eye for new fashion trends� most of the trendiest stuff looks horrible to me until the point, months or sometimes years into it, where I�ve gotten so used to seeing it on so many fashionable people that it starts to look �right� to me, and by that time the trend is on its way to the great recycling bin in the sky to wait out the twenty years before it can legally make a reappearance on the fashion scene. So trend-following as a means to looking good is not really a viable option for me.

In hopes of getting ideas for putting together a unique look for myself (because even an individualist must generally work with what is available in the stores), I�ve also picked me up a copy of Lucky magazine, because I usually see a lot of clothes in there that I like. I don�t know if it is my usual fashion-backward vision or what, but damn�it just figures that fashion would have to take a decided turn for the worse just about the time it looks like I might actually have a reasonable shot at losing a significant amount of weight.

Here, for your reading pleasure (well, more for my writing pleasure but you�re welcome to read along if you haven�t perished of boredom paragraphs ago) are the

The skinny suit. Tight, sleeves too short, pants too short, jacket doesn�t close in the front, the blouse underneath is all scootched up� because the jacket DOESN�T FUCKING FIT. Duh.

Bow- and ruffle-necked blouses. You remember, the ones that made young professional women in the 70�s look like their own grandmothers? Yeah, that�s the retro look I was hoping would come back about the time I turned 40.

Wide-legged pants. Particularly wide-legged pants that fit very slim in the hips. I thought they were ugly in the magazine shown on emaciated models who at least have the complete lack of hips, thighs and belly to carry them off. I can�t imagine these are going to be very flattering to many women in the real world who actually eat themselves a sammich every now and again and carry a normal amount of body fat.

Cropped suit-trousers, with a wide cuff. Good gawd. These are so ugly they make my eyes twitch. Riding low on the hips and worn with tall, high-heeled boots and a shrunken sweater, no less. They look like somebody ought to have read the laundering instructions a little more carefully.

Pegged pants. Cute in cotton for casual wear maybe, but tailored, cropped, low-rise wool trousers for the office? Especially the way this pair were pulling at the model�s crotch like a 15-year-old boy? Not attractive.

Extra-long sleeves on jackets. According to Lucky: �Don�t hem or cuff longer sleeves�they offer just the right touch of drama.� Yeah, getting fired from your job because you can�t find your hands to type or answer the phone is pretty dramatic. The bright side being, think of all the money you wouldn�t have to spend on manicures.

Low-rise pants and cropped shirts. Yeah, I know it isn�t new but please, couldn�t it just be over already? I will never ever be able to wear this particular fashion, and I hate it on 90% of the women I see wearing it, so as far as I�m concerned the look has far outlasted its welcome.

Ok, I�m not all about the bitchiness these days, so I have to say that amongst all the fashions that made me snort and/or gag, I did see some stuff I really like:

Chandelier earrings

Long cluster earrings

Mixed patterns

Textured hose

Fedoras

Tall leather boots

Slim skirts

Washable suede (particularly a fetching red gypsy skirt)

I think I could make at least one cool outfit out of all that.

Anyway, I may be getting ahead of myself here. This is all fall fashion, and I�m going to be nowhere near shopping weight until probably late next spring. And who knows what new ugliness the magazines will be hawking then?

Thank goodness gypsy skirts are easy to sew.

12 felt the need to share

Previous - Next
Last Five
Crappy job crap, weird neighbor, and someone whose baby I apparently want to have - 2006-05-08
Live from the dump - 2006-04-09
Kind of like a muzzle for your brain - 2006-03-29
...and then she fell ass-first into my cereal bowl - 2006-03-28
Playing catch-up - 2006-03-27

Designed by So-Charming.
Technical assistance provided by The Prince.