What IS it about working for the U.S. postal service that makes people crazy? Could it be widespread anthrax poisoning? Is the government doing weird medical experiments on them in an updated version of the LSD experiments they performed on soldiers in the 60's? Maybe the post office uses pre-employment psychological testing to weed the sane people OUT. Whatever the cause, we've sure got some freaky people delivering the mail around here.

Our normal mailman�normal only in the sense of being the guy who usually delivers our mail�is a pissy, anal-retentive bitch. He�s also apparently on vacation this week, so we�ve had a different sub deliver our mail every day.

We send out quite a bit of mail where I work. I personally stuff a hundred or so envelopes every day, all neatly sorted by in-state, out-of-state and Chicago, and each stack rubber-banded per our usual mail-freak�s instructions. This in addition to whatever mail is generated by other departments in the course of a regular business day. Our admin runs them through the postage meter every morning and stacks them in a plastic bin provided by the post office, which she sets on the front counter for the mailman to pick up. The way it usually works is, the mailman brings in a plastic bin full of mail and takes away the outgoing one, and once I sort the mail into each person�s slot we are then left with an empty bin for the next day�s outgoing mail.

Today our substitute mail carrier was a fiftyish redheaded lady who has subbed on our route before. She walked into our office this morning carrying a small stack of rubberbanded mail in her hand, smiled and said cheerily, �I didn�t pack your mail today, and for some reason they didn�t give you a bin. Sorry!�

Now yesterday we had had a different sub, who also came in with mail in hand instead of in a bin. And when he realized we�d need a bin for the next day, he very thoughtfully grabbed the outgoing mail out of the bin we�d filled and left it there empty for us to use. Otherwise we�d have had to balance our piles of outgoing mail untidily on the front counter for the next day�s pickup.

So when today�s lady-sub told me we didn�t get a bin, I asked her very nicely (in the same chirpy little kindergarten-teacher voice I always use when performing my receptional duties) �Would it be possible for us to keep THIS bin to use for tomorrow?�

Instantly her face twisted into an ugly snarl. She rolled her eyes, heaved a heavy sigh, slammed the basket back onto the counter, then reached in and began pulling out the stacks of mail and WHAMMING them down on the counter one at a time. She was PISSED. I mean furiously pissed. I just stood there in shock with my mouth hanging open until the bin was empty and she gathered up the small armload of mail and stalked towards the door in a huff.

In a deliberately cheerful voice I called after her sweetly, �Thank you!� as she walked out the door, but she ignored me as she stomped out to her truck and practically peeled out of our parking lot in a rage.

I guess I�m lucky she didn�t fling the damn bin at my head.

I�m trying to think of some way to aggravate her if she happens to be the sub again tomorrow, like maybe cowering in fear when she walks in. Or or or� I know, I�ll mix all the in-state mail into the stack with the out-of-state! THAT�ll teach her, by gosh.

If you happen to read in the news tomorrow about a receptionist in Chicago being killed by a postal worker going� well, postal� you�ll be able to say you knew me when. Unless it happens to be some other unfortunate receptionist cut down in her prime by another postal nut-bar. We�re just crawling with crazy fuckers in ugly shorts around these parts.

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Last Five
Crappy job crap, weird neighbor, and someone whose baby I apparently want to have - 2006-05-08
Live from the dump - 2006-04-09
Kind of like a muzzle for your brain - 2006-03-29
...and then she fell ass-first into my cereal bowl - 2006-03-28
Playing catch-up - 2006-03-27

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