Ok, so the diet is going... well, WAS going well. I lost like 15 pounds. At least at one point a few days ago, I got on the scale and was at a new low of 15 pounds gone. Approximately 5 minutes later it bounced back up two pounds. And then up a couple more, thanks, no doubt, to my cooking marathon of last weekend and aided and abetted by the swan-dive I took off the diet-wagon into my coworkers' candy dish one day last week. And another day this week. Ahem.

So, somewhere between 10-12 pounds actually gone. Enough to make all my pants droopy and baggy on me, including my very favoritest in the entire world olive-green floral-print almost-bell-bottom hippy-dippy pants that I love madly and have lived in the entire summer. As well as the dull but reasonably flattering and serviceable pair of black cotton trousers that I wear to work at least 2-3 times a week.

Pants shopping has been a nightmare for me ever since I got fat. Because I can't be normal fat like other women... no, I have to be SPECIAL fat. 'Normal' fat women are pear-shaped, with actual waists, big hips and thunderous thighs, and fat-clothing makers have designed fat-pants accordingly. Which doesn't work out so well for us apparently rare apple-shaped broads who are cursed with the fat tummies and slender legs. And don't even get me STARTED on 'rise' (usually too low) and 'length' (usually too long.)

But a-pants-shopping I did go anyway, because I'm getting tired of having to be hyper-vigilant about a sudden unplanned display of butt-cleavage at work if I should be so foolish as to absent-mindedly put my keys into my pants pocket while walking down the hall. The plan was to check out Lane B. to see if they maybe possibly had a pair of my beloved green pants in a smaller size on clearance (har fucking har... like THAT could ever have happened!) Or barring that, maybe find a pair of olive cargo pants that might be a suitable if somewhat lackluster substitute. (And again I say har fucking har...) I would have even settled for a smaller size of the serviceable black pants, if LB hadn't stopped making them as a personal fuck-you from LB to me.

But the only option that presented itself was D.) None of the Above. I did find a pair of olive green cords (yes it IS a theme, I told you I can be obsessive about color)whose legs didn't resemble windsocks and whose butt-covering end actually looked like it might just cover butt. I grabbed the size smaller than is currently falling off me and tried them, only to find them a bit snug.

How do you like that shit? Apparently I am 'between sizes' right now, mostly due to the overstuffed beach-ball that is my stomach. Wouldn't you think the old bod would want to give up some fat from the area where it is most abundant first, for god's sake? So far all the weight I've lost has been from my face, my tits and my fingers. Which is good and all, considering those parts of me are comparable in size and shape to a pumpkin, two good-sized honeydew melons and a family pack of Jimmy Dean link sausages, respectively.

But still. After almost two months on the diet, it'd sure be nice to have gone down at least a measly fucking SIZE.

I did find a shirt I liked pretty well, which would have made a nice outfit with the olive green cords since it covered up the bloated, sausaged-in-belly part of the pants. But holy shit, could they jack the prices up any higher in this joint? 40 bucks for a polyester shirt and 50 bucks for a pair of cords is just ridiculous. And 16 dollars a pair for the cute little boy-shorts-style undies that actually look sort of sexy on me? You'd think I'd be willing to pay any amount of money for that, considering the granny-panties I've been stuck in* for 17 years, but it occurs to me that if I don't have the money to get my teeth fixed I probably ought not to be spending $32 or more on fancy underwear.

Darkness is my most flattering option for sex-related wear anyhow. And it's free!

I guess I�ll be going with the Jethro method of holding up my baggy pants with a rope for awhile. Now that LB has totally fucked me in the pants-that-fit-my-shape department, I don�t know what I�m going to do when I�m a much smaller but still apple-shaped girl. Skirts are fine for summer, but for winter wear, me and the pantyhose don�t get along so well. Not at six bucks a pair, and me a clumsy oaf who can snag them on stray air molecules.

You know, this seems like a rather excessive amount of thought and effort put into what should be the simple process of covering of my ass!

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*When I said I was stuck in granny panties, what I meant is that those are the only style of panties that fit me and thus I am unable to wear other styles. I did not mean to imply that my hygiene is so poor that I am permanently adhered to my underwear.

Thank you and goodnight.

6 felt the need to share

Previous - Next
Last Five
Crappy job crap, weird neighbor, and someone whose baby I apparently want to have - 2006-05-08
Live from the dump - 2006-04-09
Kind of like a muzzle for your brain - 2006-03-29
...and then she fell ass-first into my cereal bowl - 2006-03-28
Playing catch-up - 2006-03-27

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