I enjoyed Margaret Cho�s latest DVD �Revolution� so much that I rented �I�m The One That I Want� and watched it tonight. Funny, funny stuff, but very poignant too in that she talks a lot about her struggles with her weight, alcoholism, and low-self esteem. In both shows she sounds like that�s all in the past and she claims she no longer diets� but I�d sure like to know what in hell she IS doing, because there was a big change in her weight from the last DVD to this one. She�s a LOT skinnier now. I wonder if there�s another eating-disorder crash-and-burn in her future, or if she�s somehow managed to achieve weight-loss success by healthy means? I sure hope it�s the latter because the girl is too fucking funny to self-destruct. Doesn�t she know how much I love her? Is my eternal devotion not enough to save her from herself???

Due to the hillbilly teeth situation being as yet unresolved, my own diet has gone by the wayside. Fortunately, it can�t go TOO far astray because the list of things I can eat comfortably is about 6 items long, and it�s surprising how unexciting�nay, NAUSEATING�pudding cups become after you�ve eaten 12 or so over the course of two days. I�ve been living on bologna sandwiches (on very soft white bread,) pudding, applesauce and cuppa-noodles with the occasional foray to the Heathen Chinese for hot-and-sour soup and butter crab meat, and I am one carbohydrate-bloated, logy, pissy bitch right now, let me tell you.

I do have a dentist appointment for Tuesday with a dentist who is highly recommended by a friend from work, but whether they actually do anything on Tuesday to relieve the pain remains to be seen. According to the receptionist all he will do is take x-rays, do a cleaning and go over the treatment plan with me. I�m hoping he�ll take pity on me and do a pulpotomy on the ouchie tooth from hell, but I�m not holding my breath. Once he gets a load of the �temporary� filling remnant I�ve been chewing on since my LAST pulpotomy 4 years ago, I�m thinking he�ll be labeling me a flight risk and leaving me in pain as a means of ensuring my quick return.

In other fucked-up health news, my period STILL hasn�t started. I finally performed my last-ditch Emergency Period-Conjuring Ritual this morning� I took a home pregnancy test. See, every time in the past that my period has been really late, at some point I have finally broken down and purchased a test just for the sake of peace of mind. And upon taking the test and getting a negative result, WITHOUT FAIL my period has started the very next day. Which of course makes me think that if only I�d waited the additional day, I could have saved myself the cost of the test. So this time I waited. And waited. And waited. And I�m eleven days late now. It appears that the demons in charge of my menstruation require a monetary sacrifice periodically (heh) in the form of a the purchase of a pregnancy test, in order to deign to keep my girl-plumbing perking along without a hitch. So I got the test yesterday, took it this morning, and as expected and fervently wished, it came out negative.

I�m hoping the Evil Spirits of the Curse are appeased now, because if this fucking period doesn�t start soon I may not survive the physical and emotional rollercoaster wreckage that is No-Menstrual Syndrome. The headaches, irritability and depression are about to drive me right off the deep end and on out to sea. I can�t seem to get happy. I feel like my entire weekend has been wasted, like I�ve accomplished nothing worthwhile, and somehow the No-Account Weekend has become symbolic for my entire worthless life and I find myself wondering how much booze and time it actually would take to drink myself to death. But death isn�t really all that attractive either, what with being on the �going to hell� plan and the worms eating my rotting carcass and all, so I�m thinking maybe just a nice nervous breakdown would do the trick. But then I realize that a nervous breakdown is a luxury I simply cannot afford, seeing as how I carry the fucking HEALTH INSURANCE that would be my only means to pay for a nice long undemanding stay in a sanitarium somewhere, and how pathetic is my life that I don�t even have the sick time or insurance coverage to go crazy?

Anyway, I don�t even know why I�m complaining about being no-account, because in between all the lying around on the heating pad, moaning and napping, I did manage to wash and clean out my car, get my oil changed, pay the bills, get groceries, get my laundry done, get about a third of Fat Ass�s matted fur clipped off, and spend a small shitload of money on art supplies and books. (Whether that last item really counts as an accomplishment or not is debatable; I prefer to think of it as an investment in my personal happiness rather than a pathetic over-indulgence of my shopping-addicted inner brat.)

On an entirely different note, as den mother to a pack of felines you want to know something I just realized? The cats meow at me all the time, particularly when they want fed or want a door opened or something like that; but they never meow at each other. There is the unearthly screeching that takes place during a fight, but I have never heard one cat go up to another and meow conversationally. So it kind of baffles me as to why they would try to communicate with me in a different fashion than they communicate with each other. And when I meow back using a similar tone, are we having a conversation or am I mocking them?

Shut up. I told you, I don�t have TIME to be crazy.

10 felt the need to share

Previous - Next
Last Five
Crappy job crap, weird neighbor, and someone whose baby I apparently want to have - 2006-05-08
Live from the dump - 2006-04-09
Kind of like a muzzle for your brain - 2006-03-29
...and then she fell ass-first into my cereal bowl - 2006-03-28
Playing catch-up - 2006-03-27

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