So now that it�s all over with, how exactly are we supposed to �heal� and �unite� with those whose views are so drastically different than our own that we disagree to the point of rage?

I think my ranting may have cost me a friend�she knows who she is�and that makes me very sad. This is someone I like very much, and whose company and diary I�ve genuinely enjoyed. Yet I absolutely despise her political views, and she in turn despises mine. Can this friendship be saved? And what about my relationships with my conservative family? I cannot imagine at this point going home for Thanksgiving and listening to them crow and gloat like it�s all a big game, when to me it is my security and freedom and the safety of my child at stake.

I think I am a pretty tolerant person. I honestly don�t care what another person believes as long as they are not pushing their views at me or trying in some way to impose them on me. Unfortunately, political beliefs are held and supported with the ultimate goal of imposing them upon those who may fervently wish otherwise. That�s all the vote is� a way of figuring out whose wishes are going to be imposed on a truculent whom.

I fully realize that the street runs both ways. My friend is frightened that the imposition of my views will jeopardize her safety and she is disgusted by the lack of morality and honor that she perceives in the politicians I admire. I am worried that the imposition of her views will jeopardize my freedom and the lives of America�s young people, and I am disgusted by the greed and lies I perceive in the politicians she admires. She thinks people who think like me should stop listening to Brad Pitt and Michael Moore. I think people who think like her should stop listening to Fox News and Sean Hannity.

(For the record I have no idea what Brad Pitt thinks about politics, but I don�t think his opinions should be scorned just because he�s famous and God made him real pretty. And though I did think Farenheit 911 made some good points I didn�t like every point it tried to make, and Michael Moore pisses me off at least as much as he pleases me, if not more. And also for the record, I have no idea where my friend gets her news and information on the issues.)

But each of us believes, when you get right down to it, that the other is WRONG. She has stated to my face that liberals would not think the way they do if they were as well informed as conservatives. I have regularly railed upon people who think as she does as being brainwashed idiots (because I am not as polite and tactful as she, obviously.) How do we reconcile this when we both hold strong opinions? Do we do the polite present-company-excepted-of-course thing, when we both know full well we don�t really mean it? When her views and the reasons for them are identical to those I scorn, how can I honestly say that I think she is the rare, well-reasoned exception? How can she say it to me and mean it? I�d love to know how other people in cross-political relationships handle a situation where you really believe that the other guy is dead wrong and neither person is making any headway in convincing the other.

I do know, when it comes right down to it, that people who disagree with me are not being obtuse. There is SO MUCH information out there, so many issues, so many lies and half-truths and maybe even a few FACTS floating around, that who could possibly know everything about everything and make a real, well-informed decision? It�s not hard to find a �credible� source to back up almost any half-reasonable claim. I hear Ann Coulter�s books are chock-full of end notes and references. I also hear that they don�t all check out. Michael Moore�s new book on F-911 is also full of sources� but not nearly as many nor nearly as definitive as I�d expected to see, considering that I keep hearing that, for all the ire he aroused among the conservatives, no one has been able to dispute the things he presented as facts in the movie. (Which, if you believe fact check . org, is not entirely true� and around and around we go.)

But regardless� we hear things, and read things, and find facts and the opinions of others to back us up, and we form beliefs that make sense to us in the grand scheme of our values and our view of the world.

But knowing that we all have a different view of the facts doesn�t make it any easier to reconcile with those whose values are drastically different. I am offended that my grandparents vote for who they perceive as godly, at the expense of civil rights, the economy and other practical issues. I am offended that my father seems to think of politics as a sporting event and is rooting for Team America and the cowboy who�s gonna give him a tax cut and keep them damn queers from getting too uppity. And I am offended that my friend believes that people who oppose a war they do not believe in are unpatriotic and are not supportive of the troops. I am offended that she is not more discriminate about the reasons she would support their having to put their lives on the line. And she is offended that I would suggest that she is not being discriminate.

I�ve tried discussing politics with my friend and my family, and I find it difficult to do so politely. I�ve also tried NOT discussing it, and I wind up quietly seething when I read a diary entry or a forwarded email bashing what I believe in. I�ve tried�ok, not real hard, I admit�but I have tried looking at things from other people�s points of view. It�s just so damn DIFFICULT when my �facts� are in telling me their �facts� are dead wrong, you know? About the best I can come up with is �Well, of COURSE you feel blah blah blah if you believe blah blah blah fact is true� but it�s NOT!� (Not exactly the stuff of peace-making, is it?)

I don�t seethe well, apparently. I wind up letting it all hang out here in the diary and occasionally on a message board, and I never fail to offend. Because if I�m going to say what I think, I won�t pull punches and I won�t blow sunshine up anyone�s ass. I do fervently wish I possessed a great deal more tact with which to express my honest opinion, however. I�d rather be constructive and stand at least a tiny chance of changing someone�s mind than to blow off steam, at least in theory. In practice, I can�t resist the lure of unloading my frustration in a barrage of angry and critical words.

Two of my main spiritual-type values (well, I don�t know what else to call them even if I am an atheist today) are compassion and non-judgement. Obviously I�m failing miserably at both. I know we are all doing the best we can with what we know� it�s just so damn HARD to be all zenlike and detached when other people�s �best� makes me fear for my own liberty and the safety of my family.

But I do care very much about my friend and her feelings, and I�m sorry I hurt them. And I love my family even if I am too heartsick and disappointed to face them right now. I�m working on serenity (I say, as I�m sitting here two beers into a buzz) and on changing the things I can. Wisdom is as elusive as ever. And I suspect graciousness is going to be quite a struggle. But I�m going to try to start working on it.

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Crappy job crap, weird neighbor, and someone whose baby I apparently want to have - 2006-05-08
Live from the dump - 2006-04-09
Kind of like a muzzle for your brain - 2006-03-29
...and then she fell ass-first into my cereal bowl - 2006-03-28
Playing catch-up - 2006-03-27

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