My fucking hair is seriously getting on my nerves these days. It's nearing butt length, but that's mostly because my gigantic ass is meeting it halfway. I've been growing it out for the better part of the last 5 years, and even though in that time I've been through lengths that look good on other women, somehow MY fucking hair always seems to go right from one difficult stage to another.

Short, sassy hair looks like crap on me because I have a big fat face and no bone structure to speak of. That medium-length bob thing makes me look middle-aged-yuppie-boring, and long hair makes me look like a hag.

I am sick of my hair looking like ass, and I have no fucking idea what to do about it. It's too delicate for a perm and too limp for layers. It won't curl and it won't straighten. It's got just enough wave to wreck the classic straight look, but not enough waves to actually BE wavy.

It looks horrible down, because it hangs in strings and falls in my face, and it looks terrible up because my face is too fucking fat, and it won't stay all the way up anyway... even with it pulled back in the tightest ponytail or bun and sprayed the shit out of, I've always got little flyaway strands sticking up all over my head and falling down at the back of my neck. My head always just looks terribly untidy, and not in a sexy way either. I look--just like my grandmother says--like a hillbilly. Like an old washerwoman. Like I don't care what I look like.

Since the long-stringiness is what's bothering me right now, of course I'm tempted to cut it, but I know for a fucking FACT that I'd hate it short too, and since the Prince likes it long no matter how crappy it looks, I guess having one of us happy with it is better than neither of us liking my hair.

Ok, see, I'm all aggravated afresh about this because I've been trying to look nice for work, and every time I look in the bathroom mirror I'm not happy with my hair. And I've been shopping for clothes, and you know there's a problem when I can look at myself in a dressing room mirror and my HAIR bothers me more that my fat.

And I'm not even really going anywhere with this, because I know I'm not going to cut it. I know am not in the proper frame of mind to rashly cut five years of growth off my hair. I've been down that road before.

My hair was this long once before, around 1992, and it made me feel old and frumpy then too. After leafing through a few fat-girl fashion magazines, I decided that what I needed to make me feel young and stylin' was a snazzy new haircut and some new clothes in brighter colors. I present to you the tragic results:

Ok, so the hair doesn't really look too bad in this pic, but it didn't actually look much better than it looked long, either. But holy hell, what was I thinking with that outfit?!?! I look like a cheap sofa from Rent-a-Center. Why did no one tell me at the time that I looked like Mrs. Roper? Didn't any of my friends and family love me enough to do an intervention? Could not one person I knew have taken me by the hand and said, "Come on honey, let's go shopping and find you something just a little less... er... clownish?"

I'm on a quest for a new look, and I'm keeping that picture handy as a reminder that I seriously lack all kinds of taste when it comes to my own personal style, and must proceed with extreme caution.

Bad clothing choices can be returned or thrown away, but impulsively cut hair is forever, at least at the rate my hair grows.

There will be no sudden haircuts this time.

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Last Five
Crappy job crap, weird neighbor, and someone whose baby I apparently want to have - 2006-05-08
Live from the dump - 2006-04-09
Kind of like a muzzle for your brain - 2006-03-29
...and then she fell ass-first into my cereal bowl - 2006-03-28
Playing catch-up - 2006-03-27

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